Tamarind rice , Potato chips & Mango Pickle

Have you ever heard this announcement on railway platforms  Rajdhani express 9:30 par platform number 6 par aane ki Sambhavna hai  .. Pay close attention and you will realize that the statement is very diplomatically worded . Sambhavna means possibility in Hindi . To know that the train may face some mishap on the way is one thing , but to expect it all the time and incorporate in your announcement is pure genius on the part of the Indian Railways . This post is about my favourite government enterprise in the country  The Indian railways  . Well not exactly about  the Indian railways but the esteemed people who make it all the all the more interesting. Here they are grouped based on certain characteristics .

The single guys

This population forms a major chunk of the passengers on the North Indian routes . They will dress up in the best of their attires. Formal shirt , pants and leather shoes and will always engage in conversation with their co passengers. A snippet of the conversation   yeh dhoni aajkal hawe mein udd raha hai.. run tho banatha hai nahi pehle se, abhi tho dimaag bhi paidal ho gayi hai uski.. last mein dikha hi diya na ki jharkhandi hai.. .  All of them are characterised by the chewing of gutkha which can spill on to your shirt at any point during their intellectual conversation . This group also brings  puris wrapped in aluminum foils and oil dripping aloo in a little ever-silver box. In most cases than not ,these are the people who are found to be occupying  your berth and when you tell them the berth is yours , they will create some space on your seat and say baithiye !

The Andhra / Punjabi family

I don't know why but people of these two states always travel in a group of 30 or more.  The enter with loud noises and make the settling down process seem like soldiers rescuing other injured soldiers from No man's land . In almost all the cases , there will be an argument about the seat sharing. They are very particular about their luggage and usually bring huge chains to tie them up. And by huge chains I mean really huge , like the ones used to tie wild elephants in Kerela.This group is also characteristic by the huge quantity of food they bring while traveling . In my 20 years of traveling experience I have never seen this group spend a single rupee on the train. First a use and throw plate is thrust on every members hand and then the items keep coming . Lemon rice , tamarind rice , potato chips , curd rice  and mango pickles . Sometimes I wonder if I can pull a plate from my bag and get involved in the Andhra feast. I 'm sure I wouldn't get caught , especially with the skin tone that I have .


The Single woman 

Sadly , this group does not exist . The single woman is always accompanied by a bodyguard. It may range from the father to the so called  friend who is secretly hitting on her.   The point to remember here is that the hotness quotient of a girl increases 10 folds due to the skewed sex ratio on Indian trains (Much like the case in Engineering colleges ) . So however tough the bodyguard might seem , the first group of single men will always try to strike up a conversation with these beauties. Here's a tip for all of you trying to do this . Dear single men , the chances of the girl falling for you in the space of 12-15 hours and giving you her phone number is less than the chances of our Indian team winning this world cup . So use the time to catch a nap instead.

The Annoying family

I hate this group. Period. A father who is around 35-40  and a mother who is around 30-35 with two kids ranging anywhere in age from 5-15 is the deadliest combination found on Indian trains. There have been occasions when the following words have almost left my lips  If you don't shut up now , I will pick both your annoying kids and lock them up in the bathroom . I only paid for the train , why are you giving me a complimentary zoo trip with it ?  . The kids are a nightmare. They will climb on those little poles on the side and the mother will shriek out a warning . Idiot , If you are so worried your kid will hurt himself , why don't you give him a slap and make him sit , else if you are not the kind who worries about little injuries , STOP shouting your little warning messages. It's because of dumbfucks like you that the whole female race gets the bad name of constantly having something to blabber.  These families make you feel bad for the father. Poor soul. He has to pretend that he loves his wife and his kids in spite of all their little annoying acts and also sponsor their trips. I have new respect for married men now, thanks to this group.

The College group 

This group of people from the same college or organization  can turn out to be the most interesting group , if the group consists of people from same gender. Male groups are filled with card games and remembrances from the past and female groups are filled with gossips , future plans and non stop giggling .The danger is with the gender mixed groups. You know what I am talking about right ? The men try to 'portray' their soft side by helping the elders , offering money to beggars and sometimes their macho image by giving a glare at any male who passes through their cabin and making numerous trips to the pantry car. Also they try little circus tricks by staying on the platform longer than usually needed and then boarding the running train. Epic fail.

The Old Couple

This is my favourite group of the lot. They don't talk much and pretty much keep to themselves and their conversations with the co passengers are always limited to the destination they are traveling to and the expected time of arrival. The little things they do like stretching the little bedsheet to cover the both of them , holding hands when no one is noticing, reading the newspaper together,  changes your whole opinion on matrimony formed earlier by the Annoying family  group.

Happy Journey   :)