Two pages from my diary..

yeah.. my diary.. i don't write anymore.. but i was stupid back then.... i am not mentioning any names .. who knows wer the future may lead.. :P ... here are two consecutive entries from my diary.. i was in twelfth standard and that was my first love... so pls dont mind the romantic overdose...

DAY 1 :

I am writing this after spending 4 and a half hours with her..It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both..You're not alone...tday the feeling was missing... We went to a movie..some madhavan flick.. matinee show.the best thing about matinee is that thr is never too much crowd and even if there is, they are not intrsted in what is happening around them...there are sometimes in your life wen everything that had happnd previously falls exactly into place to form something beautiful, like a jigsaw puzzle .. this is definitely not one of those times....

Something din feel rite tday...there was no problem and all but at the back of my mind i felt she was drifting away.. away from me... i just cudnt take it...first luv is always special... i am no exception..it takes us a number of years from our birth to learn that we are bound to fail, we are bound to get disappointed and we are bound to get hurt... maybe this is the first dose of reality i am recieiving and it is very very bitter...as such thr has been nothing happening for the past three weeks.. maybe exams.. maybe wrong situation at home... u can make up any excuse .. and u desperately hope the reason to be one of these... but inside ur heart u kno.. u kno that it is not.. u know that she is going away sooner or later... u can see it in her eyes... the same eyes that made u fall for her..i get a feeling that she is not honest with the laughters and happiness that she is showing.. maybe she's doing this for the wrong reasons..but u r too complex for me to figure out.. Sometimes i wish that i had never met you, so i could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.. hoping that this bad time will end soon..

love praveen


17 jan 2006 ..


ps: we din have any fight today.



DAY 2 :

tday i saw tears falling out of her eyes... cudnt believe it.. i had been mistaken abt the fake thing... the tears were real...she really felt bad... i dunno wat happnd to me at that moment .. all my anger for her vanished... all the things that happnd the previous day were gone.. erased from my mind.. a woman crying or smiling cud make a man do anything...after the crying part she tried to recover and show some attitude.... but i cud see the hepless child in her eyes.. crying... crying for help.. crying for somebody to comfort her.. now i kno y i fell for her.. she's nothing spl... but to me... she's all i want....now and forever... u will always forget what they said. but u will never forget how they mad u feel.. she's making me feel special.. special like no one has ever done before...

love praveen


18 jan 2006

ps: we din patch up together and i am not drunk.