What have I become ??

The present (6.15 pm , 15 december 2009)


They say ' try smoking grass and looking at yourself in the mirror, you cannot look for more than 10 secs , you will go mad ' . how true ! now don't make any assumptions on how i would have written this blog when on dope. I just came after a hour and half of soccer on the field and looked at myself in the mirror.. How drastically have i changed !! I have grown a beard and a mustache now (yeah ) and i couldn't connect to the figure i saw in the mirror. That's not me. That's not who i am or who i wanted to be but that's who i have become..

After this realization i sat down thinking ,in front of my computer with a gold flake lights in my hand and wondered what else has changed in me?? First things first , i was still wearing my football boots . Cricket which i used to be mad about in school days was over and out, what remained of my connection with cricket was the occasional glance at cricinfo :( , took me 3 years to totally forget the game i loved and move to football , wonder how many days it will take to leave soccer . Coming to the gold flake lights , whoa , could never have imagined that in my hand ( trust me ) , and here i am smoking away as conveniently as breathing . Now a look at my computer , 4 separate chat windows, all of them saying " hey , thr ?? " and stairway to heaven playing in the background. At that moment my mom called . The conversation lasted for 2 min 28 seconds , what used to be holding her saree and walking behind her all day had reduced to 148 seconds of phone talk . Then the tobacco had its effect . I started thinking how my life was earlier and how it would be in the future....


The Past ( 6.15 pm , 15 december 1999 )

Hey praveen , deepu , wash your legs and come inside , how many times do you want me to tell this ?? NOO, no snacks before the bath , you just played cricket for three hours in the sun and you guys are sweating like pigs , what would your wife say if i give you snacks before the bath..
Didn't your mother teach you anything ???
Mom ,i won't marry , just give me the puffs.... Mom see deepu is already eating the puffs , i will also eat.
And after this verbal war me and my bro would take bath (after eating the puffs ) and come sit on the sofas ,fighting for the remote until my dad came home . On hearing the horn of his scooter everything would just become picture perfect ( mom cooking , me writing notes and deepu pretending to read ). Then the remote would be safely in my dad's hand and we both would quietly have our dinner and then go to sleep .


The Future ( 6.15 pm , 15 december 2021 )


Praveen , you said we can go see the new born baby at my mami's home , you are already 40 mins late, what were you doing ?? Nowadays you keep ignoring me , get ready ,we'll leave now .
Not today re ,maybe tomorrow . I had a horrible day at work , some guy in the logistics wing went on a holiday , so i had to file his share of the reports and it seems this will be my routine until that lazy fuck comes back.
You always have an excuse for everything , it's as if i don't matter anymore , no one respects my feelings around the home, i am not a doormat !
Who asked you to be one , try to understand , i am not in the mood for a fight , just leave me alone
If you wanted to be alone, why did you marry me in the first place ??
That's exactly what i am thinking right now. My life would have been a lot more peaceful without you
Anger ,Tears , Shut door....
Ah crap , will have to sleep on the sofa today



yeah, life changes pretty fast . Prepare yourself to become someone you never imagined you could be !!