I was born with the ‘thing’

Disclaimer : If you are one of those people who takes everything seriously ,this post can sound sexist.Don't call me names later.You have been warned .

I was a firm believer that everybody had their fair share of blessings and misfortunes in life . I am beginning to question that belief lately . I was born with the thing . Now don’t ask me what thing. The thing which curses you the moment you are born . Yes ,tube lights I am talking about being a boy. If you still don’t get the thing, maybe you should just log on to your facebook account and toggle between Most recent and Top news . Anyway coming back to the thing , I don’t know why it is wrong to have the thing but apparently having that makes you a perfect scapegoat. From my school days I don’t remember people without the thing kneeling down outside the classroom or being asked to bring their parents. If you didn’t have the thing and yet suffered these types of punishments at school , you must have done something seriously wrong in your previous birth . Some self righteous people out there might say the thing was what made us do bad stuff and suffer all those punishment .To all of you I say, It’s not like we voluntarily asked for the thing ! 

The thing has caused us more misfortune in life than any other singular item on earth . I am sure you would have heard this headline Girls outperform boys in higher secondary exams . It’s like a reminder that people with the thing are good for nothing . I have never seen a comparison made between any other groups .Have you ever heard of this line Students with potbellies outperform the normal ones. They always have to bring the thing into the picture. Why ? I don’t know what pleasure these news channels get from broadcasting these results and interviews of topper girls with pimples , spectacles and mini version of I have a dream speech  .Every time such an interview was shown on TV ,my parents would give me a look which I am pretty sure every guy has received from his  folks at some point of time. The look would look something like a combination of  Why god why ? and You are only alive because it is illegal to kill you. 

The tales of the thing  had only begun in Engineering college .  Every engineering college has a different set of culture and people but one thing that is common in campuses across India is that people with the thing are cursed. The rule of thumb went something like this If you don’t have a thing and you have managed to enter the engineering college ,you shall live your childhood dreams of being a fairy princess. I am not against the fairer gender or anything but If you have ever been in a place where the sex ratio was 30:1 ,you would know my pain . Oh, You don’t have the thing ,Why don’t you compere this event ? Why don’t you skip the trails and welcome to our dance group? Oh, You have short attendance , You must have been sick , are you okay now ?  Oh, You are caught talking during the lecture , you must have been discussing the topic. Oh, You finished all my chips, you must have been really hungry. Oh, Your English is pathetic , you must be speaking the American dialect. Oh, You are so irrational , That’s alright , after all you don’t have the thing.  You would think God would be fair for having made you suffer for four years by compensating during your placements but you would be badly mistaken . Campus Placements are like an awards ceremony where people without the thing are awarded for having born without the thing . Brilliant.

After twenty years of suffering the curse of the thing , we finally end up in office only to realize that all these years of suffering was nothing compared to what was in-store for us in the work place . All a girl needed to do to get a leave  was wake up ,call her boss before brushing in a breathy sick voice and say Sir ,I cannot come today . Wouldn’t Hangover be the first word on your mind If a guy did the same thing ? Companies are adopting a sex ratio balance technique to foster a good working culture within the company . One of my friend ( with the thing ,of-course) was asked six factors affecting steam turbine performance during this campus interview for NTPC and the same panel asked a girl the number of CCs in a Maruti 800 engine . The girl was selected eventually . The trend has spread to educational institutions too . IIMs are now awarding extra marks for people having born without the thing. As if they didn’t already have everything!  All this makes me go back to the only time the thing proved to be useful –Our pre nursery days , when the thing  gave us something to play with .